Songbird

If this is a rambly post, forgive me. My thoughts are a bit jumbled on this topic.

It seems as though I have been going through an extended humbling process where my singing is concerned. I believe God has been rooting out that thing in me that wants to be ‘seen’ or ‘heard’ so that when I sing before him, it will be with a pure heart.

It has been a long process. It took me forever to get over my fear of the microphone. Then it was a struggle to hear myself combined with the fear that I might mess up and not know it, but with my voice being amplified, everyone else would. Then I started suspecting that (horrors!) I wasn’t always perfectly in tune. I started doubting whether I could sing at all.

Every now and then I get some encouragement, but it is very few and far between, whereas the difficulties have been an almost constant thing.

The process has been teaching me some things…and I am ready to discard some bad habits. I am learning that comparison is odious…I do not have Rachel’s voice but I have Sumi’s. I am not going to try and fit in Rachel’s mold anymore, it doesn’t fit me well. I sing better when I sing ‘my heart out’, instead of toning it down or holding back for fear of making a mistake. Singing my heart out means going out on a limb a bit, and really trusting the sound engineer. LOL

I don’t see myself as anything special anymore. I don’t have much to offer, except to sing with a pure heart of love towards Jesus.

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2 responses to “Songbird

  1. It is so hard to change and to let down barriers that have been built up over time. I’ve struggled like you, only not with singing (God didn’t give me that gift rather I make a “joyful noise”. Mine has been more with the why am I doing something, is it because I like/crave the attention/power or because it is truly what the Lord wants me to do. Some days I get something in my head that I feel I need to be doing, that I’d do well, the the Spirit has to check me and show me that I’m not centered, not focused on what is truth and right but on what is selfish and wrong for me at that time.

    Pruning hurts but in the end it feels good.

    ((((hugs)))) As you allow the Spirit to prune and grow you for His glory.

  2. Sumi, I am reminded every time I read you how wonderful it is to “know” someone graced with so much honesty and conviction. I thank you for that. I thinkit’s God’s way of humbling me. (Surrounding me with so many Godly women who know so much more than I do. Who actively seek Him in every aspect of their lives. I find you all both inspiring and humbling.)

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