If this is a rambly post, forgive me. My thoughts are a bit jumbled on this topic.
It seems as though I have been going through an extended humbling process where my singing is concerned. I believe God has been rooting out that thing in me that wants to be ‘seen’ or ‘heard’ so that when I sing before him, it will be with a pure heart.
It has been a long process. It took me forever to get over my fear of the microphone. Then it was a struggle to hear myself combined with the fear that I might mess up and not know it, but with my voice being amplified, everyone else would. Then I started suspecting that (horrors!) I wasn’t always perfectly in tune. I started doubting whether I could sing at all.
Every now and then I get some encouragement, but it is very few and far between, whereas the difficulties have been an almost constant thing.
The process has been teaching me some things…and I am ready to discard some bad habits. I am learning that comparison is odious…I do not have Rachel’s voice but I have Sumi’s. I am not going to try and fit in Rachel’s mold anymore, it doesn’t fit me well. I sing better when I sing ‘my heart out’, instead of toning it down or holding back for fear of making a mistake. Singing my heart out means going out on a limb a bit, and really trusting the sound engineer. LOL
I don’t see myself as anything special anymore. I don’t have much to offer, except to sing with a pure heart of love towards Jesus.