Discouraged

Today was one of those days you wish you could just sweep under the rug. We had some good moments, the youngest wrote an acrostic poem that I am really proud of, and the boys actually fought over who was going to read to me!

But the math is still an issue and I am getting more and more convinced that the middle boy needs to be tested for a learning disability. Having his younger brother home for comparison really drives home the point that he processes things very differently.

I dread this boy’s teen years…he has so much anger. Much of it is sheer frustration and some of it is an outflow of my own frustrated reactions to him in the past. I am working on just loving on him here at home and calling hubby in when the discipline issues arise (hubby’s own suggestion…the boy pushes my buttons big time but has far too much respect for his dad to push him as much as he pushes me).

Someone whom I really respect once suggested teaching the boy proficiency in a musical instrument as an outlet for the teenage years. They boy is very musical, and I can see the good in that. I am looking into getting him lessons. (Tressaaaa!!!! Where are you??)

Anyhow, that is just one of my issues. I’m feeling the pressure regarding his academic prowess because testing is so near.

One thing I’m finding discouraging right now is how I never seem to be on top of the house work. My kids have not been trained to help, and at this stage of their lives it is sometimes easier to just go ahead and do everything myself rather than to muster the enormous energy it takes to make them do it. I don’t want to fail them by enabling their laziness, but it gets exhausting sometimes.

I sound like such a wimp, don’t I? I think I am just tired and burnt-out.

There is a part of me that doesn’t really want to be an adult and take charge of these things. I’d rather be comfortably numb sometimes and pretend that my life is just peachy, when in fact it is a formless void.

We have hardly any routine. My kids eat what they want to when they want to. Hubby is never home. Getting the house tidy and half-way decent takes a great chunk of time and lasts for…oh…about an hour or so… Everywhere I turn I see things that are undone, that should have been done. Then it gets so overwhelming that I just refuse to tackle anything and veg out.

Doing that is what discourages me most, since I want to overcome my tendency to handle life in an ‘avoiding’ way rather than tackling it head on.

I know what I need to do. David encouraged himself in the Lord.

Even sitting here, listening to my favorite songs playing on I-tunes, I can feel the Lord reaching out to me in his sweet way:

Since I am so sick
Since I am in need
Since I have no healing within me

Oh, my God, be mindful of me
You are my help and my Redeemer
Oh, my God, be mindful of me
You are my help and my Redeemer

Unto You, oh Lord
I lift up my soul
In Your loving-kindness I believe

Surely those who wait on You
Will never be ashamed
All of those who call on You
Will know the faithfulness of Your name

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3 responses to “Discouraged

  1. HI Sumi
    Shame skat ek voel vir jou. Ek weet hoe dit voel as alles te veel raak en jy nie eers kans sien om ‘n begin te maak nie. Jy voel alleen en oorweldig. Dit sou maklik wees om te s^e doen dit of dat, maar dit sal nie veel help nie. Dit help natuurlik om jou toevlug in die Here te vind maar dit los nie die ondliggende probleem op nie. As jy moet s^e, wat sou dit wees? Dit klink vir my asof jy lonely is. Dit is net ook my persepsie dat daar a.g.v jou man se werksure min kommunikasie is.

    So tussen hakies, dink aan die tipe man wat jy wil h^e jou seuns moet eendag vir hulle vrouens wees… miskien sal dit jou help om hulle op te lei daarvoor!

    S^e my wat dink van dit wat ek hier ges^e het?
    Liefde in Hom
    Duncan

  2. {{{{hugs}}}}

    Things have been very frustrating around here too. I thought perhaps the lack of winter weather would really help, wishful thinking perhaps!

    I know I have struggled with getting my son tested again for learning concerns. It is hard because it seems like I might have to admit that there is a deficit in the first place!

    I’m praying for you! God does provide the encouragement and strength for the next moment! Hope your today was better!

  3. Today was much better, thanks. 🙂 I downloaded some great worship music from I-Tunes and burned them onto a disk for my car. We went to PE today and I spoke to a mom there who has a child with learning issues too. It was nice to hear someone elses’ perspective, I tend to have the ability to judge objectively when it comes to other people’s struggles yet lack it with my own.

    Duncan, ja, dit is definitief alleenheid, maar ook meer as dit. My lewe is problematies omdat ek ‘avoidance behaviour’ tot ‘n fyn kuns ontwikkel het! Ek is baie passief, dit help nie dat die hubby ook passief (in ander areas) is nie. Waar dit vandaan kom? Ek dink ek is bang ek probeer, en vind ek is ‘n ‘failure’.

    Ek dink tog die Here laat dit toe (vir nou)…die alleenheid forseer my om ‘n verhouding met hom te bou wat ek anders miskien nie sou nie. Ek dink ook dit is my ‘seisoen’ om ‘n goeie ‘foundation’ (die woord fondasie laat my aan iets anders dink 😀 ) in die Woord te kry… My struggles dryf my om op te lees en Hom in sy Woord te leer ken.

    Job 14:14 … all the days of my appointed time will I wait (ie. build my relationship with Jesus, binding my heart to His, reading his word), till my change come.

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