Small Mercies

I am not sure how long I will be able to write, we are expecting a friend in 20 minutes and i am a sloooooow typist.

 I just wanted to update all of my friends who have visited this blog in the last few days to see how we are doing.As I write this, I am so aware of God’s peace. I can honestly quote the verse that says He will keep those in perfect peace, whose minds are stayed upon him. That does not mean that there is no sadness, at times I miss Jenna terribly and the tears flow, but I am so aware of my Jesus’s sweet presence surrounding me.  

My hubby and the two boys arrived here on Tuesday afternoon. They were flown to Washington via a charter flight the day before (thanks to my sweet sister in law) and managed to get temporary passports within 30 minutes of arriving at the consulate. 

Hubby was anxious to see Jenna and we went the very next morning. They showed her to us through a window but hubby begged to be able to go in to her. We were told that since it was a forensics morgue where criminal investigations were being made (law requires a post-mortem on drowning victims here) it would not be allowed. When the inspector saw how desperately he wanted to see her he made a very rare exception. I have a picture of Jenna’s very beautiful, peaceful face, and her daddy stroking her hair and kissing her cheek. 

We have seen countless small mercies these last few days. I cannot mention them all, though I wish I could write them down at some point so I’ll remember them. We are grateful that  my family had 3 whole weeks in which to come to know and enjoy Jenna. It was a blessing to have my family’s support when she died and Richard happened to be at church when he got the phone call so he had plenty of people around to pray for us and comfort him.

Hubby came out of the shower this morning with the most tender expression on his face and tears in his eyes. He said he was worshipping the Lord when he experienced such a sweet sense of God’s presence. He knew that he was worshipping with the angels, and he saw a brief vision of Jenna dancing before the throne of Jesus like she always used to do here. The more he sang, the more she danced. What hubby didn’t know was that at exactly the same time I was reminiscing about Jenna and remembering how I would dance before the Lord in worship when I was heavily pregnant with her. A lady at our church admonished me that I might harm my baby by doing that but the Lord whispered to me that when I danced, Jenna was dancing in the womb with me. He went on to say that she would grow up to dance before him in worship more than I ever did. I always thought she might become a ballerina or something but at that point I realised she was dancing and worshipping Jesus in heaven.

When hubby told me his vision it was a confirmation to us both that we weren’t just imagining it in our minds. 

The last day we spent with Jenna we were sitting outside on the lawn and we watched a pink balloon which must have escaped from a birthday party nearby, floating ever so slowly up to the sky.  The Lord reminded me of this afterwards and we will be doing a pink balloon release during her memorial service, allowing people to write a message to Jenna on their baloons if they wish. 

The memorial service will be held on Sunday at 4pm SA time (9 am ET)  A dear friend will do the worship and the service will be led by a man who had lost his own son a few years ago. We will have a time for everyone to say something if they wish and end the service with the song I quoted in my previous post. We told everyone to dress informally since we want it to be a celebration and not a time of sadness. (Though I am sure we will all shed a few tears) We will be playing a slide show of pictures of Jenna while people come up to share. We will stay here in SA a few more days and fly back with Jenna towards the end of next week. 

I need to go now but first I want to post excerpts of an email I sent to friends, as well as hubby’s letter to our church body. 

I am so aware of the grace of the Lord carrying us

Hubby has arrived here with us and he is such a comfort to me. He says he was in the aeroplane and had to go to the bathroom to cry. He was sobbing and asking God what it was like for Jenna to be in that pool all alone and the Lord said: “Shhh…I will show you something.” He gave hubby a picture of the angel that went to fetch Jenna…and it looked just like me! I had agonised over Jenna being in there and wondering why her mommy wasn’t coming to rescue her and this was such a huge comfort to me.

I can tell you this: God is good. I am not going to go the ‘what if’ route. I trust Him. I know he allowed something in his wisdom that he could prevent in his power. Already there is such a bittersweet blessing, and so many people are being touched by this.

“Unless a grain of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone, if it dies, it will bring forth much fruit”

I believe that much fruit will come out of this for the sake of the kingdom of God.

Much love,

Hubby’s letter: 

Words can not possibly express how much I appreciate all of your care, prayers, and especially love. The tangible warmth of your love has been ,and is, a great strength and encouragement. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And yes, in all honesty, it is hard, and we are sorely sad, but we are holding onto Jesus, and can honestly say we trust Him, believe Him, and know Him to be a good good God.

So join me and lift up your hearts and hands, letting your precious faith rise up and let’s together declare “blessed be the name of the Lord, you give and take away, and still my heart will say, BLESSED BLESSED BLESSED be the name of the Lord!!

The awesome peace he anointed me with when Sumi first called me yesterday,has not left me, and continually I find myself singing praises to Jesus, and my precious God whose Father heart knows the pain of loss all too well.

So let me encourage you all. Don’t draw back, don’t give way to all those questions and doubts, don’t let your faith and trust fail, I don’t know why either, but Jesus does, and nothing he ever does is for evil, because in Him dwells every good thing, and everything he does is good, because He is good.

Let Jesus come, and in coming to us as a body, let Him find faith in us. Draw ever closer to God who surely loves us deeply and passionately whose plans are always for good. 

I have to go now, bless you all. 

 Please excuse the lack of paragraphs. WordPress is messing with my head tonight.


20 responses to “Small Mercies

  1. My dear sweet Sumi. It is so good to see you rejoicing in God’s grace and mercy.

    Cling to Him.

    Much love,

  2. May He continue to sustain and keep you…

  3. Sumi, I continue to pray for you and your family. May you continue to rest in His grace and mercy!!

  4. Sumi, you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. May the Lord bless you and keep you. All my love..

  5. I have shared your testimony with others that they might find comfort from your faith and that of your husband. Know that you are in our prayers and that the hands of God are holding you.

    My heart, my prayer, my thoughts and my love to each of you.

  6. What an awesome testimony. Thank you so much for sharing these precious moments with us. Especially the angel who looked like you, I had wondered if Jenna was afraid as well and now I know why she wasn’t. What a blessing to know that. Praying for all of you still. How are the boys? I’m sure they are incredibly sad but didn’t want to forget about asking about them.

  7. I love you, Sumi, and I am blessed to call you a sister in Christ.

  8. Sumi, Thank you so much for updating us. You are continually in my prayers. May Gods love and peace continue to envelope you and your family.

  9. Sumi, that is truely the most beautiful testimony that I have ever read. You have warmed my heart and brought tears to my eyes.

    Big hugs, many prayers, and much love to you and your family.

  10. Sumi, I am wondering how your boys are doing? I know that they loved her very much.

  11. Praying for your family today, Sumi.

    Your testimonies are so encouraging. Thank you for sharing.

  12. You have such a strong testimony to God’s love, Sumi. Thank you so much for sharing how the Lord is holding you up during this time. It is wonderful how the Lord confirmed to you & Dh in your times of prayer & worship that He is holding Jenna close to him. What a wonderful gift to be dancing & worshiping before the Throne of Grace. We are praying!

  13. I’ve been praying for you Sumi.

  14. tessofthebellgrades

    You and yours are still in my heart and prayers. It’s several times now I have witnessed the grace, the sorrow and strength of a mothers love. As bleesed as we have all been by Jenna, her being here, even if for a short time, never forget how blessed she was to have you all in her life. She is at peace because she was so well loved in life.

    I think of Jenna and I see the passge from “The Little Prince” (the same passgae I see when I think of a friend of mine who died much too young)

    “In one star I am living. In one star I am laughing. So when you look up at the sky at night, only you shall have stars that can laugh.”

    Laughing and dancing stars are the lovliest of thoughts.

  15. Sweet, dear Sumi,

    You are a testimony to God’s tremendous comfort and love. Thank you for your heart to share your faith with all of us. Our prayers continue to be with you and for you.



  16. I forgot to tell you that I called a few friends and asked for prayer – a whole church is praying for you somewhere in Florida (a town called Inverness) and my charismatic Catholic buddy Brendan and his family are also praying for you guys.

    I’m so proud of “hubby” stepping into the shoes of the man of God he was created to be. My prayer the past few days has been a renewal of your love for each other through this firey trial and a strength in that love that can never fail or falter. . . also for the boys to be an extra special help and joy to you.

    Jesus is so faithful to promote us when we’re least expecting it. Everything done in darkness comes to light – that is evident through you and your hubby to the entire world right now. You are true sons of God.

  17. I am so so so so sorry…

  18. Loving you and praying for you in Florida.


  19. Jenna’s life and story have me in tears. I am so very deeply sorry for your loss. She was without any doubt an exceptional little soul and one of the most beautiful children I have ever seen. You convey her spirit and wonderful personality so finely – readers can easily feel she is standing chatting and singing right there with you. She is at peace. Thank you for giving a small part of your angel to the world.

  20. I was just rereading all this for the first time in probably a couple years – of course I’m crying. I’m simply amazed and in awe of the strength of character and unwavering faith you and Richard have exemplified. I could never send enough “thank you’s” to Jesus for bringing you into my life. You and Richard are both a treasure to me. I love you sweet Sumi-friend!!

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