We are back in the States now. We were met at the airport by family and a group of people from our church, waving banners and holding flowers and shouting “we love you!” as we walked out. It was such a blessing, and helped us get over a difficult home-coming. Having people around who loves you and feels your pain and misses your baby too is very comforting.We were overwhelmed with all the cards, flowers and food waiting for us at home. The neighbors had even done some yard work for us. Some precious people from church had come and cleaned the house, they even shampooed the carpet upstairs. All the little tokens of support have been heart warming.
In December of last year we had played around on the sound recorder thingamabob on my computer. I had recorded Jenna singing a few songs. I wasn’t able to access them until I came home and last night I heard something I had forgotten about…at the end of one song I tell her that I love her, and then she says: “I love you too”. It made me cry. I had longed to hear that from her just one more time, and now I can listen to it whenever I want. How wonderfully faithful God is to hear those little sighs of our hearts. I might post the song and the conversation on my blog if I can figure out how. I cannot tell you all how many little nuggets of grace like this has come our way. We are truly not wrestling with the ‘whys’ and the ‘what ifs’ in this situation but trusting that our God is a good God who allowed this for reasons that we don’t always understand. There is peace in Him and though our hearts break with our loss sometimes we are never overcome. The boys are missing their sister more now that they don’t have the distraction of their cousins around. Jenna’s favorite cat, Tom, has been walking around the house miaowing as if he is looking for her. He had adopted the unfortunate habit of peeing indiscriminately around the house so we have had to make him an outside cat. He is not spayed though and I am hoping that might rectify the problem. I have so many pictures of Jenna cuddling him and would love to have him inside the house again without having to supervise him all the time .
I cannot remember if I have said this so if there is repetition, please bear with me. I just wanted to let you all know that we will have a private burial for family members only on Friday morning at 11. On Saturday morning at the same time we will have a memorial service for anyone who would like to attend, at our home church. I am hoping we could do a balloon release like we did in SA but since there is an airfield nearby there might be some restrictions. We will have to wait and see. My pastor is encouraging me to sing a song, if I am able. Strangely enough, before all this happened I had been practising a song that the Lord gave me some time ago, not knowing when I’d be able to sing it. I have been re-visiting some posts I wrote some time ago: The Deep and Darkness. The song was written around that time. It is the one I mentioned in this post, and the words are appropriate.Our pastor mentioned that Jenna will be listening, and I might want to sing the song to her. I am happy to sing it, if I can make it all the way through. I’ll see.
Hubby will be reading one of the poems you posted, Bobbie. The one about little footsteps crossing your soul. It means so much to him.
Love to you all…
(PS. Can anyone from wordpress tell me why the paragraphs don’t appear the way I post them? I LIKE paragraphs in the right spots. It makes reading easier. This is messing with my head)