His mess

I was driving to bible school this evening reflecting on my life. I have certain stubborn patterns of doing (or not doing) things, patterns that I simply loathe, yet I continue in them despite my desire to do the opposite. I have yearned for change in those areas for the longest time. When Jenna died I thought to myself that perhaps her death would be a catalyst for change, yet the change is not coming as hard and fast as I would have liked it to.

In short, there are things in my life that have needed my attention for a long time. There is a brokenness in me, even before Jenna left us, that I have cried out for God to fix, time and time and time again.

I am sure I am not alone in this. Many of us have a trait or a habit or two that we wish God could just snap his fingers over and take out of our lives. Things we have wrestled with, cried tears over, things we would toss away in a heartbeat if we could. I was staring one of those things in the face today.

Soooo. I was driving to bible school tonight and thinking about my life. I am a mess, God, I told him. Instantly I heard his sweet voice reminding me: “If you are a mess, you are my mess.”

A visiting pastor once told us this story. He was preaching one Sunday when his toddler son came waddling down the aisle towards him, arms outstretched. It was in the days before disposable diapers and in those days diapers didn’t always…um….hold their contents as neatly as they do nowadays. šŸ™‚ The boy was a mess, literally. The pastor was irritated. Where was his wife? How could she let the boy come down the aisle towards him like that, in such a state? There was nothing to do but to pick the little guy up and to take care of the situation. But as he complained to the Lord about it, God whispered something to him that he never forgot: “When he is a mess, he is your mess. When you are a mess, you are my mess.”

My heart lifted immediately when the Lord reminded me of this. He is so faithful and precious. I can trust him. I am his mess and he is going to clean me up little by little. I just wish he’d hurry up and get it over with sometimes!

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3 responses to “His mess

  1. AMEN!!

    The other day I was struggling with an issue like that in my own soul – I was tormented because I just wanted it gone. I’m so sick of dealing with it. The boyfriend repeated words we’ve both heard before, “If you could stop it or get rid of it right now, would you?” Of course the answer is yes. He reminded me that until the day I have the grace to stop dealing with that issue or until Jesus delivers me from it, I don’t need to be too concerned with it. It’s something I deal with – not necessarily something God has His finger on. In the meantime, repent when I fall, get up and keep walking – it’s His mess.

  2. Wow – what a cool reminder.

    I am one that gets in a hurry for God to teach me what he wants me to learn so I can move on. Maybe it is the learning to be still and wait upon him that he wants of me….hmmm (mental note to myself here). Thanks for the reminder that even while I am in the midst of my MESS he still loves me – and I am his!

    Anyway I just wanted to tell you that I’m praying for you and your family and I find your posts to be both revealing of you and your walk and inspiring for me – thanks for allowing God to talk to me through your fingers.

  3. Thanks for the comments on my blog. I’m glad that you found other women who are on the same journey. You are an encouragement and I hope that I can encourage you as well.

    We are so blessed to be His mess. So often when I try to clean up my own business I make it worse. Yet, when I listen to His prompting He works miracles in my life. He brings beauty out of the ashes.

    I’m so thankful for the way that God worked in my life before we lost Chloe. He was preparing me in big ways that have allowed me to handle this and rely on Him. If it weren’t for that growing and healing I would be a wreck right now and He wouldn’t be getting any glory.

    All that to say, God is good and I encourage you to trust Him if he is ready to work in these areas of your life. Maybe He isn’t prodding you to deal with them now, but maybe He is. Just follow His voice and remember it won’t be easy – but it will be better on the other side. Life so much that we deal with, right? He will hold you in His loving hands as He molds you into the woman He created you to be.

    Hugs and prayers for you today,
    Kirsten

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