I was driving to bible school this evening reflecting on my life. I have certain stubborn patterns of doing (or not doing) things, patterns that I simply loathe, yet I continue in them despite my desire to do the opposite. I have yearned for change in those areas for the longest time. When Jenna died I thought to myself that perhaps her death would be a catalyst for change, yet the change is not coming as hard and fast as I would have liked it to.
In short, there are things in my life that have needed my attention for a long time. There is a brokenness in me, even before Jenna left us, that I have cried out for God to fix, time and time and time again.
I am sure I am not alone in this. Many of us have a trait or a habit or two that we wish God could just snap his fingers over and take out of our lives. Things we have wrestled with, cried tears over, things we would toss away in a heartbeat if we could. I was staring one of those things in the face today.
Soooo. I was driving to bible school tonight and thinking about my life. I am a mess, God, I told him. Instantly I heard his sweet voice reminding me: “If you are a mess, you are my mess.”
A visiting pastor once told us this story. He was preaching one Sunday when his toddler son came waddling down the aisle towards him, arms outstretched. It was in the days before disposable diapers and in those days diapers didn’t always…um….hold their contents as neatly as they do nowadays. 🙂 The boy was a mess, literally. The pastor was irritated. Where was his wife? How could she let the boy come down the aisle towards him like that, in such a state? There was nothing to do but to pick the little guy up and to take care of the situation. But as he complained to the Lord about it, God whispered something to him that he never forgot: “When he is a mess, he is your mess. When you are a mess, you are my mess.”
My heart lifted immediately when the Lord reminded me of this. He is so faithful and precious. I can trust him. I am his mess and he is going to clean me up little by little. I just wish he’d hurry up and get it over with sometimes!