At the airport

Going to the airport is almost worse than going to Walmart. Thankfully I have only been there twice since March of this year.

I will probably always find the memory triggers and what-if triggers at Walmart. The Barbie/doll aisle still makes me take a wistful glance, and then look the other way. The candles still beckon me to smell them but there’s no muffin who begs to sniff them too. The lobsters at the seafood counter don’t have a little Jenna to visit with anymore. I can’t pose at the check-out counter, while Jenna takes my picture with the little princess cameras on display, and tells me how beautiful I am, anymore.

But I have gone to Walmart umpteen times since February this year and I am no longer compulsively pulling out the toddler seat in the shopping cart for Jenna to sit on. I don’t stop at the little girls’ shoe displays anymore.  I press on, and do my shopping, with the inevitable thoughts of Jenna my familiar companion. It really isn’t as bad as it was in the beginning, now. I am used to it.  

I am not used to going to the airport. I am not used to walking that same route down to Departures where the little muffiny dragged her multi-colored suitcase behind her until she got tired, and her brother pitched in to help. 

I am not used to hanging around in that same Departures hall where we had lingered on the rocking chairs, unwilling to say goodbye to the half of our family that was staying behind in America. As I sat there today, unwilling to say goodbye to my mom, I remembered that we were in the very spot where Jenna’s daddy and two of her brothers saw her alive for the last time.

The boys were emotional today. Being at the airport made them miss Jenna too.

This is the last picture Jenna’s daddy took of her:

She was off on a real journey, alright. And we are on a very different journey ourselves, as a result. It is a strange journey, and one I don’t wish on anyone. Still, it is a journey that has forced us to dig deep and to find those wells of living water that God promises to sustain his people with. I can honestly say, right now, that there has been much good and much fruit on this journey already. I anticipate the future with hope. I know God is doing something eternal in our lives.

Until we see you again, muffiny…

We will celebrate the journey.


10 responses to “At the airport

  1. HI Sumi,
    You would need to email me so I can get your email address. My email is

    Glad you will join us!

  2. Hugs (((Sumi))) My thoughts are prayers are with you.

  3. Thinking of and praying for you today, knowing how tough these days can be! You are so loved!

  4. Hi Sumi,
    That was such a touching entry, you are so strong! Good wishes to you and your family, and still praying.

  5. you remember jenna is such beautiful ways! i paused at the end of the entry when you were talking about jenna’s journey. my, aren’t we are all on that journey to our heavenly home -we so often forget because we get so bogged down in our earthly wanderings….crushing grief of jenna’s unplanned departure but wonderful joy that you will join her in His time. still reading,praying and loving you. j

  6. Hi Sumi,
    Our computer is still having problems, so I have not been over here in a while. Keep puttin on foot in front of the other….he’s there!!! I know too the that memories are treasured yet they hurt at the same time. I was visiting memory lane last night as we sat at a rodeo and remembering how I snuggled Joel in my arms….at that time I did not know a cancer was raging in his little body…..our little ones are still so precious !!!!

  7. I too remember memories that are painful. Even though its almost been 39 years since my Mom left and passed into eternity, I miss her very much. I trust her journey is in heaven. Her father was a minister so I hope she was a Christian. The last several years have been ‘new ground’ for me and I want to ask her questions. I want her to see her great grandaughter’s prom pictures. Her grandson’s new mustache. I like what you said in that we have a journey to drink deep from the wells of living water.

    God Bless You.

  8. Still praying…

    Cynthia Y.

  9. I’m so sorry the airport was hard… I know those triggers, and the overwhelming sadness that accompanies them. I can also imagine the pain of Jenna’s brothers at the airport. For some reason, looking up at the stars and moon make Ethan miss his sister. I don’t really have anything profound to say… just that I’m sorry.

  10. Oh Sumi,
    That is such a touching, heartbreaking picture. You and your family are still in my prayers.
    God bless you,

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