renewal

Have I told you lately that I have a sweet hubby?

The man saw an email I had written to a friend where I mentioned that he seems to be struggling to come to terms with Jenna’s death lately. I expressed the fear that perhaps he was secretly, at the back of his mind, blaming me for what happened. After all, I was there. I knew my husband is too sweet to EVER express anything like that to me, but my fear was that that was what he was thinking.

And so, I got this email in my inbox this afternoon. From the sweet man himself:

My precious Sumi

Just thinking about your comment to Heather in your last email to her, and instead of coming to you and just telling you, I am writing this so that you have it “on record” šŸ™‚

Simply put, I don’t blame you, period. Settle that in your heart.

If anything, I blame life (that part that denies the foreseeable and brings about the unforeseeable), and yes, lately I have felt angry, cheated, but this is not the overarching attitude of my heart concerning Jenna’s death. I have to admit that lately I have found myself in a dry and dark place in my walk with Jesus, and could not find His grace that normally so balms and constantly washes my heart and soul when dealing with Jenna’s passing, and therefore was focused on what life did, rather than on what He is doing.

This last weekend however He has been dealing with me in His gentle, merciful, gracious, yet so powerfully two edged sword “piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit” way, as He usually does. I was sitting down stairs in the wee hours of Sunday morning before going to bed, crying many tears. Mostly of sheer frustration at myself , but also of a quiet, strengthening, and reviving hope in Jesus, and His promise that He “…has chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love…”
and that He himself would make it happen because “…he which begun a good work in you will perform(perfect) it…”, which is all “…according to the riches of his grace ; Wherein he hath abounded toward us in all wisdom and prudence…” blessing us “…with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places…” so that all is fulfilled “..according to his good pleasure which he hath purposed in himself..”.

Think about this, He considered it all, carefully thought it through, counted the cost, and made a decision of His will that He Himself would make available to us ALL that would be required (all the blessings, treasures, riches of heaven and His grace) to indeed bring us before Him holy and without blame.

And then today, after you called me about accessing your old emails from when Jenna died, I started reading them myself, and all the peace, all the grace, all the wonderful sense of His comfort, love, and purpose came back like a flood.

All I can say Sumi, is lets go together through the next month, the 1 year anniversary, with a strong determination to tightly cling to Jesus, and rekindle into a burning passion our sense of His purpose in all this, not looking too sadly at what life “did to us’, but looking carefully at, and submitting to, and firmly taking hold of all Jesus is doing. Lets come out of this with the wind of the Holy Spirit in our faces as we run with all our might toward His calling, and possess the land He has promised us.

I love you Sumi, I love you soooo very much, and I bless you, as my adorable wife, and the wonderfully awesome mother of our children.

It is an indisputable fact that Jenna had the best mom, ever. And I know she still brags about you up there in heaven šŸ™‚

Love you
R.

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19 responses to “renewal

  1. yes… a wonderful husband

  2. That is really special and like that old hymn

    “Jesus is the tie that binds” will be praying much for you as your one year anniversary approaches.

  3. Your husband is a gift, that’s for sure. Just as, I believe, you are to him…

  4. Yes you do have a wonderful Husband! May Jesus hold you both close to him and give you the peace you are needing!

  5. WOW! Jesus has blessed you with a tremendous husband! Your faith really inspires me!

    Love you and always praying!! (especially as you go into the 1 year anniversary)

  6. Dear Sumi, you are still in my thoughts and prayers, and what a blessing to read your husband’s sweet words to you. I am so glad that God has given you a strong marriage rooted in Him, and that you and your husband are being knit closer together as you walk through this valley.

  7. This is where I have been, too. I am resolving to go back to the foundational love and truth in Jesus, leaving behind all these frustrations and resentments.

    Thank you for posting this. You have a dear husband and a wonderful family.

  8. What sweet, tender and truth filled words from your hubby. I too will be continually praying for you all in the days leading up to this day. Take comfort in knowing that Jenna blessed many people who had never met her except through your blog. You have also blessed many as you have shared this growing experience with so many.

    Thank you and may the Lord continue to bless and strengthen you and your family in Him.

  9. oh my. do you even realize how very blessed you are to have a husband like this??????

  10. Wonderful husbands are SUCH a blessing!

  11. What sweet words. šŸ™‚

  12. You really blessed us all by letting us have a glimpse into your lives. You all are always in my prayers, but especially as the 1 year anniversary nears. may God Himself continue to comfort you and uphold you as only He can do. Many Blessings to your family.

  13. *tears* How precious! God bless both of you. Praying for you as you work your way through this toughest of all anniversaries. (((((((((Sumi)))))))))

    ~Heather

  14. What wonderful words. He is such a dear man. What faith! You are both in my prayers as you come to mark this anniversary.

  15. What a tender gift from the Lord that letter is…and of course your husband is obviously such a gift, as well! And as this letter so clearly states, your husband and your children are blessed to have you!!!

    Thank you so very much for your sweet comment at my place. I am a little sad about stopping, but truly at peace about it, knowing that for now this really is what I am supposed to do. I am an “all or nothing” kinda gal, so I have actually been praying about this for at least 2 months now…not wanting to act impulsively.

    I will pray for you about balance. Your blog is SUCH a blessing. I have truly felt blessed that the Lord led me to it. And I felt doubly blessed that you would ever come by mine. šŸ™‚

    So there you go…how bout that for a long rambly comment from me? šŸ™‚
    Much love to you, friend! I know God will keep you on my heart and in my prayers.
    Kimberly

  16. Thank you so much for sharing – what an encouragement and joyful reminder. I appreciate you checking in on us and for your kind words. I hope the year is good to you and your family.

  17. You have an amazing husband. God bless you both!

  18. Tears. Tears. Please tell your husband that God spoke to me through this letter. You both inspire me to go deeper with Jesus. Jesus *is* doing a lot – in you and through you. Thank you so much.

  19. You are so lucky to have a husband like that. I always read your posts and feel so guilty because you don’t have Jenna, and I have two daughters. But today, I am a bit jealous.

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