February 13

I have had bloggy thoughts swimming through my brain a lot the past few days, but have had little time to post them. Now, of course, most of them are gone. ūüôā

My mom was due to arrive at noon today, but engine trouble has caused them to stay over in Dakar, Senegal. She spent the day at a hotel on the beach, and I took the opportunity to clear out our sunroom, which had become a junk room. It is a gorgeous room, and one of the main reasons we bought this house, but for various reasons it had become unused. Weather being one, male cat being another, and needing space to dump things another. After a morning spent clearing out and cleaning, the room looks inviting enough that I want to go out shopping to decorate even more (not going to happen) and the boys made themselves at home on the carpet and dumped out some toys to play with. The cats had been banished from the room a long time ago and the smell is gone Рphew!  

What’s new this week:

My oldest shaved for the first time. He held on to his childhood as long as he could, LOL, but eventually even he couldn’t stand the dark furry caterpillar on his upper lip anymore!

Both my history classes on Wednesday ended with sweet little 6th graders clustering around me and telling me what a great lesson it was, and eagerly continuing to talk about Teddy Roosevelt as we walked back to class together. We had¬†our lesson¬†outside to take full advantage of the lovely weather. I told my oldest son what a great feeling it was to have my classes so enthusiastic about¬†history and he half-seriously replied: “What is wrong with them?”¬†

The weather has been loverly. We have been sleeping with the windows open, and I have been awakened by birdsong. I will never feel quite the same about birdsong anymore, however. It instantly transports me back to those days last spring that dragged on in their sameness, all blurring into one with the same overriding thing binding them all together Рmissing Jenna and coming to terms with life without her.  This morning I had to get up and close the window. While I LOVE listening to birds sing, I needed to sleep in this morning, and I knew that hearing the birds would make me think too much and miss Jenna too much to be sleepy.  

The morning Jenna left us was the most raucous morning I can remember hearing. The birds were exuberant in their song. I remember sneaking out of bed and panning my camera¬†across Jenna’s sleeping face and into my sister’s yard. The idea was to capture some of that birdsong, and I was less concerned with what I was filming. Later, when I realised that my camera’s memory was too low,¬†I erased that clip, not knowing that Jenna would leave us that day and not realising that I would have treasured that clip beyond any picture taken that day, had I kept it.

We listened to a bird identification tape in the car that afternoon, because¬†I wanted to know which bird had made the plaintive¬†song that rang out above the others that morning. Now as I type this, I can’t remember. It was some kind of dove.

I am not sure about other regions of the US, but the birdsong in South Africa is much more varied and melodic than the songs over here. I miss it.  

Today a year ago, we visited with my hubby’s side of the family. His cousin took these pictures:

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OK…wayyyyyyyy past bedtime. Hopefully I can post more coherently tomorrow.

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8 responses to “February 13

  1. I have had a couple of meltdowns this month dealing with my own heavy heart and grief. The other night I had a really frank conversation with God and I threw your name into the conversation…ha! I’ll never understand God’s plan in all of this, but I know He got me thru the grief, I know He is never going to leave me or you. I am lifting you in prayer EVERY DAY and hope you feel some peace knowing you are not going thru this week alone. Big hugs! I’m always amazed at the beauty of your sweet girl! I bet she had a sweet personality!

  2. Hi,
    I have been following your blog for a while, and haven’t commented before. Your daughter is such a precious child. Everytime you write about her my heart just aches for you. I have 3 sons and can’t imagine what you have gone through. You are such a strong woman! I have prayed for you and your family to have peace. I love to hear stories about her and see her sweet pictures. Thinking of you at this time. Katie

  3. I love the picture of you and Jenna together. The love on your face just shines through. You are both beautiful.

  4. She takes my breath away.

  5. Sumi, my heart is breaking all over again. These pictures are beyond beautiful, and your girl is just simply amazing. I especially love the one of you holding her……the joy on your face says it all!

    Prayers continually…..

  6. I started to post what I needed to say here and decided it was to much for this space and also it is a word for you from the Lord. I’m emailing it to you. I was at a ladies retreat this weekend and was praying for you.

    Praying you will feel His manifest presence in the days to come!

    Love you!

  7. Thank you for sharing the stunning photos of Jenna! I especially liked the one of you two laughing – you looked like you were sharing a secret.

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