Cracking open the door

I went through a dry spell there for a while. I noticed that I seemed to be going through the motions a bit as far as my walk with God was concerned, and that reading my bible or spending time in worship had lost its lustre. There’s nothing like being in the presence of God, where he whispers sweet things to your heart and you discover treasures in his word. In his presence is fullness of joy…

I started missing being in that place and as I lay on my bed one night,  rediscovering my ipod and listening to old favorites, I could feel the Holy Spirit gently tugging at my heart. I’m all for being straight-up with God and telling it to him as it is, and so I told him that my heart was dull and I didn’t know how to fix it. I wasn’t even sure that I really wanted to.

Then my favorite worship song started to play:

…wonderful Saviour, my heart will know your worth,
so I will embrace you always, as I walk this earth…

Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high
Be treasured here, be glorified
I owe my life to you my king
Here I am…                                                                                                                            

I was undone, and as the tears started to roll, I saw a glimpse of my own heart. It’s broken. It hurts. I had been protecting myself from the pain and vulnerability of  having raw, exposed grief.

It is precious how generously Jesus met me as I opened the door of this battered heart of mine. I cracked it open just a little, but he crammed as much of his tender compassion and soothing peace in as possible. I know that he will fill all the room I make for him, and so I aim to be as real and as open as I can. I want to swing that door open wide.

It does expose the pain, but in him there is ultimately no sorrow, only a glorious peace. In him I can step into eternity for a moment and see that all is well, all will be well.

In his presence is fullness of joy.

5 responses to “Cracking open the door

  1. Jennifer Scruggs

    I am proud of you! I have been, and will continue to pray for you– to continue to CHOOSE to get into HIS prescense and search for the fullness of Joy He PROMISES. The right/best thing is always the hardest thing. May He bless you abundantly with His PEACE and JOY.

  2. I love that He is always a safe place to be totally honest…and that our total honesty doesn’t chase Him away. As much as the pain we lay before Him hurts, I am always amazed at how much better I feel just from letting it out in His presence. So glad you had a sweet time before Him.

    Love and prayers, sweet Sumi.

  3. Oh Sumi! That is wonderful that you are opening up to Him more, I know this road is difficult and I’m so very proud of you.

    The sermon at church today was on “Joy-rejoicing in the Lord ALWAYS” that is really tough to do when things are not “joyful” or worthy of rejoicing over. But to be able to do it even in the thick of grief and pain says something about your relationship with Jesus.


    Love you!

    Cynthia Y.

  4. Always thinking of you!

  5. Thanks for inspiring me to go and spend some time with the Lover of my Soul.

    I also love that worship song.

    Praying with you.

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