Stocking s(t)uffer

To Jenna…

So, Christmas is officially over and I haven’t written you a note to stuff into your stocking yet. Yes, I had a run-around day on Christmas eve. Yes, I fell into bed, exhausted, at 4am. It’s been a happy, blessed, busy time. And you were missed, sweetie pie.

But something in me balked at sitting down and writing you that note. Last year I was driven to do it. This year, I just didn’t want to be reminded that it is all I have to give you this Christmas, and many more to follow.

I don’t think my house has ever looked as good, or smelled as lovely as it does this year. The Christmas tree is gorgeous. The boys and I lovingly decorated it with the same ornaments that you helped me hang so industriously on your last Christmas with us. I remember your pudgy toddler hands, and your intense concentration as you hung them precariously low, all in one spot at your own eye level. I had to space them out a bit later on. 🙂

The tree now sports some ornaments you never knew – little mementoes of you, sent in by friends. Tom, the cat. Ballet Slippers. A handmade ornament with a robin on it. A treasured dragonfly embossed ornament that came from a mommy whose little girl left her in much the same way you left us. I pointed them all out to granny and she stood before that beautiful, fragrant tree with tears in her eyes. You still light up our world, muffiny.

I found something at Walgreens and had to buy it. It is not the prettiest ornament, but its words grabbed me. It says: A daughter is yesterday’s dream, today’s delight, and tomorrow’s promise.  

It is the promise part I like. Somewhere in my tomorrows, you are waiting. The promise is sure. The same Jesus whose light shines so brightly in all my darkness, whose light is everywhere this Christmas season, adorning houses and making this christmas tree sparkle, is keeping you safe with him until that day. There is hope, and there is plenteous redemption. (Psalm130)

But sometimes that wait seems so long and notes like these are just a bummer to write.

Still, I have decided to stuff a little love letter to you in your stocking every year, and I like to think that one day, years from now, perhaps you and I can sit down and read them together.

Words elude me tonight, they have been doing it a lot lately.  I’d love to write you something eloquent and poetic. But all I can say to you my little precious girly, is that I miss you, I love you, and you will always be in my heart.

Until that day,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Your mommy.


8 responses to “Stocking s(t)uffer

  1. Merry Christmas, Sumi. I’m overjoyed for you that the beautiful moments were so very present this year.

    I don’t know what to say other than that which I always say, I get it, I understand. My prayers for you for the rest of this Christmas season.


  2. ((((((HUGS)))))))

    Always praying….

  3. beautiful words for a beautiful little girl awaiting her mommy. I think we’ll get to read them the letters we write now!!!!!!

    I think of you often!!!


  4. I often wonder what heaven will be like and if Sweet James will meet me at the gate, your words as always touch my heart!

  5. Dear Sumi, It’s been quite some time since I have commented on your beautiful blog but it’s always wonderful to read your tender words. I just learned of another family who lost a precious little girl to drowning. I took the liberty of recommending your blog to Karol and copied excerpts of your Feb. ’08 post. I hope you don’t mind. Please forgive me if I was out of line. You are such a blessing to me.

    In Jesus’ grip with you, Michal Ann

    Lake Forest Park WA
    (no blog but immichal AT yahoo.)

    I hope you want to read about precious little Laynee at

  6. I believe Jesus takes your letters and reads them to Jenna as she sits in His lap…the same way I think He’s conveyed letters to Keri and Dan’l for me. I miss you sweet friend.

  7. This is really beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes… I think it is a great idea to write Jenna a letter each year. I think I would like to do the same for Evie. It helps!
    I hope you are doing well!

    Lots of love and prayers, Lily

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