Monthly Archives: January 2010

Words

Somebody told me today that I have words inside me that are a blessing, that are uniquely Sumi, and that the world needs to hear.

God knows, I have been throwing up walls around myself and my heart for the past few months. In the process, my words got stifled.

It was soooooo refreshing to sit over lunch and let those words spill out. To tear down the walls and bare my heart and get that kind of clarity that only comes when you are in honest fellowship with a non-judgmental friend. Oh, how we as the body of Christ need each other. I’ve been trying to make it on my own but there is something so empowering in a journey shared. I think it has something to do with our friends being the hands and face and feet of Jesus to us, where we can see the heart of God towards us as it is reflected in the sweet face of a friend.

I have not found myself in a good place lately. My heart has been hard, cynical, bitter. I acknowledged to myself yesterday that yes, I was angry at God. Angry because I am missing Jenna and I am surrounded by so many pregnant mothers – all of whom are having little girls.  Angry because I don’t see myself changing like I hoped I would. I am still the same old Sumi, plodding along the same old paths.

I am bone weary of the same old stale patterns in my life, and I am longing for a deluge of fresh, life giving rain to come and wash me clean and refresh this (c)old heart.

I had a moment today where I told God that I didn’t want to become a bitter and cynical old woman. I prayed a bit and opened my bible – and he met me. What a faithful God.

I was reminded again that it is in beholding his face, and seeing his preciously tender heart towards me, that I am changed. I am amazed that this mighty God of the universe stoops down in kindness – and LOVES me, pitiful thing that I am, and makes me his treasure.  Who can help but adore a God like that?

My friend was right. I need to have an outlet. I need to write (or talk someone’s ear off). She said I must make time for it, that my words are a gift.

I might begin writing my book. I might blog more. Either way, I will be sharing my heart. And I am happy at the thought.

Advertisements

What I might be doing if I had the time…

I might write my book. 🙂

I might go visit my Sarah friend and take her to go and sit at Jenna’s grave for a while. (It’s been too long.)

I might take some piano lessons.

I might take some friends bra shopping. I read this website and now I am mildly obsessed about helping all the sad women in the world who do not wear the right size bra. 🙂 I am tickled pink because I discovered a local department store that actually sells the imported British bras that come in my size (which isn’t manufactured in the US). I had previously only been able to obtain them at a fair price through UK Ebay.

I might tackle the scary place that is my boys’ bedroom, and throw away tons of useless, broken, unplayed with toys.

I might revamp our sunroom. (It is scarier than the boys’ room.)

I might adopt a little Haitian orphan girl. There are still so many little girly things in this house.

I DID manage to find time to do this over the Christmas break:

A custom made lampshade for my Mother in Law, featuring pictures of her 6 grandkids.

The base is slightly broken so the lampshade doesn’t sit straight. I only used it for the purpose of taking the picture.

I also got into a knitting craze and knit several scarves for friends. I am also teaching my bible girls to teach at school. It is turning out to be a wonderful, special bonding time for all of us. (I have even had some 8th grade boys begging me to teach them to knit.) Who knew that teaching a bunch of teens to knit could lead to so much fellowship and fun?

A scarf I knit with sundry left over balls of yarn:

The strips of green fun fur remind me of a fuzzy worm. 🙂

Of course if money wasn’t an option, my current mood would take me to South Africa for a visit to all my peeps there. I would sneak in a performance of the Soweto Gospel Choir and grab me some real African harmonies while I was there. My African people can sing!

What would you do if money and time wasn’t a consideration?